Sunlight fades in the sky
And it’s time to settle in for the night.
Baths have been had
Teeth brushed
Books read
We settle under the covers
But you have other ideas
Your little mind
is still swelling with thoughts
Your small body
still vibrating with energy
And so begins
The battle for bedtime.
-LRFB July 2015
If you like this short poem check out the following book:
(this book does involve explicit language, be warned)
My least favorite question at this point in my life is, “When are you having another baby?”
What I would like to tell the person who asks me this is “It’s none of you fuc*ing business.” But today I was feeling polite and since I have to see this person on a regular basis at work instead I responded with, “I don’t know maybe when my 2 year old sleeps through the night every night. I have other goals I would like to get accomplished this year before I think about another baby” (My usual response it “Why don’t you come watch my child for a couple of days and then ask me that again. . .”)
I have a very high energy child. I come from an animal rescue background and children, especially babies and toddlers, are very comparable to puppies. . . if my child was a puppy he would be a Husky or some type of herding breed (Border Collie, Catahoula, Aussie Shepherd). In other words my child is smart as a whip with a need to be busy. (All my animal people will totally get this, for you non animal types, keep reading.)
I have a child who has never been a good sleeper and who has so much energy I still take naps when he does on the weekends just so I can keep up with him. He was an early crawler (4 months) and an early walker (9 months). Some of the first phrases we taught him during his super early movement phase were “Feet first” (so he would not fall on his head getting on the bed or couch or whatever else he was crawling around on) and “Careful, your head!” My husband and I seriously debated for a while about getting him a helmet. . .
So in all honesty, I don’t even know if I want another child. . . I have flickers of “it would be nice for the babe to have a sibling”, and then I have days where I think, “My God, Woman! You can’t handle another one, you can barely handle this one.”
People say that two children are easier and that all children have different personalities, so if you get a hard first child, your second will be a lot easier. (I have talked to one mom who thinks those lines are total bull and I would like to send a shout out to her and THANK HER for being HONEST!!!). Of course, knowing the way my luck runs I would end up with two super high energy kiddos instead of one if we venture down that path, but I’m not ready to even think about that right now. I really DO have other goals I’m trying to accomplish this year and baby would not fit into the plan at the moment. My husband and I have talked about it and decided we would re evaluate at the end of the year, but until then PLEASE STOP ASKING ME. (Even then please don’t ask me.)
I would like to offer some advice to all the nosey people out there who feel the need to ask this question. I would like to ask you to think about the following before you speak without thinking. . .. Maybe the person you’re asking this question to cannot have more children and really wants to. Maybe they don’t want any more children. Or maybe they are trying to have more children and are having a really hard time of it. The question of more children is a loaded one that could either piss someone off or conjure up some not so warm and fuzzy feelings. So, when the temptation to ask starts to tiptoe across your tongue, close your mouth. It’s really none of your business anyway.
Nothing tugs on your heart strings more than when you have to drop your child off so you can go to work and they shed real little tears as you head for the door. It’s one of those things that sticks with you all day long.
Being a working mom comes with a plethora of challenges. You have to learn to trust the person(s) you leave your child with every day (and not cry when you drop them off). You have to learn how to make as many seconds of your awake time count each day, which I am learning requires mad skill in the time management department (of which I find some days I am sorely lacking.) You have to figure out a way to keep the house reasonably clean (at least clean enough that if god forbid CPS came knocking it wouldn’t gross them out). You have to make sure there is healthy food in the house to prepare meals. You have to find time for your husband, the critters, the babe and maybe even eck out a little me time (I’m still not sure how that’s possible) all after working a 40 hour work week outside the home. . . Sometimes, I struggle with all this on a weekly basis, sometimes a daily basis (heck sometimes I have those days where it’s all I can do to just take it an hour at a time.)
It’s hard.
Sometimes I shed a few tears when I get in the car to drive to work. I think about what things would be like if I could stay home with my child all day instead of going to work and then I remind myself of what I know deep in my heart, that me working and him going to school, is probably the best for both of us. I like working. I get stir crazy if I’m in the house too long. The babe has similar tendencies, he is go, go, go and at school they do a wonderful job engaging him in all sorts of activities I don’t know if I’d be creative enough to figure out on my own if I was at home.
But I still miss him.
I get jealous when I see other mom’s posting pictures of fun activities on facebook during the day. I get annoyed by “school” holidays that working people don’t get off, and summer, what the heck is that? I get frustrated when I look for Mommy and Me type activities and I cannot find any during the weekend or evening hours (because you know us working mom’s don’t want to do fun things with our children. . .). I have to remind myself that I am lucky to have the job that I do. My boss is wonderfully flexible when it comes to me needing time off (or to work from home) to take care of a sick little one or attend one of his school activities.
I am so incredibly grateful for this.
I try my hardest to be away from him as little as possible and I try my very hardest to be engaged with him when I am with him. We read daily, I try to have a craft activities for him a few days a week, I physically play with him daily, I bounce with him in his trampoline, I dig in the dirt and pick up worms and frogs with him, I try to take him to the park every Sunday and have a fun visit or trip somewhere every week. I think because my time with him is limited I work my butt off to make sure the time I do have with him is quality time and I think we are both okay with this arrangement.
I’ve also learned that when guilty feelings do roar their ugly little heads, I pull out the big guns, (maybe play hooky?) and plan something extra fun for the both of us.
It seems like babies come forth in little swarms and another round of babies are about to make their presence known in this world. To celebrate I’m passing on a few healthful hints to new mommies (or reminders to veterans if it’s been a while.)
In General
If you are not part of some type of online mommy support network, join one! (This is where I give a shout out to all my NHCM’s! I love you all!) You make tons of new friends and there is always someone up at 2am, or 3am or 4am when you are in desperate need of some help or a pick me up that will respond to your desperate plea for help.
About Sleeping
-They say to sleep when baby sleeps… YES, do this! Don’t clean or organize or do anything else! SLEEP. (I am still a big fan of this rule and love taking weekend naps with my toddler.)
-Cry it Out is not for everyone. A lot of people will tell you to let your baby cry themselves to sleep or “self-soothe”. I am NOT a fan of this method. I just cannot do it and you don’t have to either. Sarah Ockwell-Smith has a great article about it Here: Self Settling-What really happens when you teach a baby to self soothe to sleep. -
About Breastfeeding and Pumping
-Breastfeeding isn’t easy, try not to get frustrated (which can be so very hard). Keep Trying and Ask for Help if you need it! Lactation consultants are great! Also Le Leche League International- is a great resource
-Breastfeeding is messy keep a burp rag nearby.
-There are many different tools that can help make nursing easier, like nipple shields and fenugreek. . . try them if you’re having trouble. Using tools to help you achieve your breastfeeding goals does not make you defective.
-Pumping sucks, but you should do it if you can, build a stock before you go back to work, it’s amazing how quickly it can deplete.
-Watch the video that comes with your pump. Sometimes it takes two or three or four or five times to figure it out. (Like,oh duh, the dial turns up higher than the stupid little picture above it.)
-Pumping can be messy, keep a burp rag nearby.
-Use your friends who have or do Breastfeed and pump as a resource. They are an invaluable resource!
About Diapers
-They say you will change 8-12 diapers a day in the beginning. I swear it was more and I think sometimes I’m still changing 8 a day.
-Diapers are labeled all sorts of different fancy ways: swaddlers, snug and dry, cruisers etc… I haven’t found much of a difference except the color change indicator is way cool! Most brands seem to be about the same quality. (I didn’t choose to cloth diaper, but to all the moms who do I just want to let you know I think you’re awesome)
-For kicks and giggles put a diaper through the washing machine to see how much they can really hold (Oops, did I really do that? Why Yes. . . Yes, I did).
Cheers and Congratulations!
Sometimes I would rather be sitting in a car with no air conditioning during a Texas summer than be walking the aisle of the grocery store with my toddler. Don’t get me wrong, I love my child, but some tasks are tenfold more difficult to accomplish when you have a very active toddler in tow.
My child has never wanted to sit in the seats of the cart, where many children seem content to sit and observe while they are wheeled around. We went through a phase where he would sit or stand in the main basket with the groceries, which was great. He was in the cart and as long as I didn’t get too close to the Broccoli (which he still to this day will grab a head and start eating) or anything else he might be able to get his hands on we could cruise through the store with no problems.
Next we began the carry me phase. . .he would stay in the cart maybe through the produce aisle (if I was having a streak of luck) and then would insist that I carry all 30+ pounds of him around the store while I pushed the cart or else deal with him screaming bloody murder. We have thankfully moved past that stage but have entered a new stage where he wants his feet on the floor and to “help” me with the groceries.
This current phase is definitely the most challenging I have encountered and it involves lots of redirection of him and breathing and patience for me. My first experience I let him push the cart and directed him to the items we needed to purchase and I let him pick out items and put them in the cart. This worked beautifully, through the produce aisle. . . we then got the the bakery items and he was all “Ooo’s and Aahh’s pointing at different bread items and looking at me to name them for him. . . I was breathing and attempting to redirect him to the cart to push some more when he saw cupcakes. . . why do they have to have cupcakes on display all the time??? After a battle of yes those are cupcakes, no those are not your cupcakes. No, we are not getting cupcakes, I finally managed to wrangle him back to pushing the cart. We stopped and got lunch meat which he missed throwing into the cart and threw in front of another shopers cart. . . Lucky for me it was another Mom with a toddler. She just laughed and smiled at me while he picked it up and threw it again, this time making it into the cart.
Now instead of pushing the cart he decides hanging off the cart handle while picking up his feet is fun, so he acts like a little monkey and we make it through dairy. In paper products he helps me put toilet paper and paper towels underneath the cart and gets complimented by two elderly ladies about what a great helper he is. Yes, he was a great helper, thankfully they were long gone when in the next aisle he screamed bloody murder when I wanted to put him in the cart or carry him. He settled on letting me put his butt on the handle and half holding him we wheeled to the front. We made it to the checkout line, my saving grace, as his little hands can stay busy putting the items on the belt, and as long as he isn’t too close to the checkout computer screen (because he turns them off) and gets a sticker, we are home free.
As I check out I can think of at least three items I forgot. I don’t care. I can work around them, I am not going back to get them. . .
http://www.today.com/parents/drowning-silent-nightmare-day-pool-t23881?cid=sm_fbn
Read the article in the link above. I cannot stress enough how important it is to watch your children around pools, hot tubs, creeks, streams, rivers, ponds, the Ocean, even bathtubs and buckets. Drowning can happen, anytime, anywhere there is water.
Drowning is the process of experiencing respiratory impairment from submersion/immersion in liquid; outcomes are classified as death, morbidity and no morbidity.
Prevent Drowning.
Please be safe this summer (and year round).
Cheers and Blessings!
For another great read:
http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Drowning-Swimming-Drown-Water-Pool-Beach-15-Things-You-Need-to-Know-This-Summer-about-the-Fifth-Leading-Cause-of-Death-263491391.html
My husband and I were discussing how enjoyable dinner has been lately. One of the main reasons dinner has been enjoyable is that we have been working really hard at avoiding snacks before dinner with the little one. I am not a snacker so this isn’t hard for me, but my husband likes to munch when he gets off of work. The little one has a snack in the car on the way home from school but if he get’s home and sees his Daddy eating he wants to try that snack out too! If Daddy lets him then dinner can turn into a grumbly affair where the babe takes two bites and proclaims he’s “all done” and stands up in his chair waiting for us to take him out because he’s full on snacks and doesn’t want to eat anything else.
My husband and I had a discussion about snacking in front of the babe over a week ago. Okay it wasn’t really a discussion it was a forced educational experience for my husband. I pointed out to him what I just explained above. He grumbled a little but also stated he understood. I explained to my husband that he could still snack himself, he would just have to become stealthier about it and not let the babe see him snacking.
If you think institution of no snacks before dinner is easy, let me warn you it can be a little painful at times. A few times the babe would go to the refrigerator or cupboard and ask for milk or a snack while I was in the kitchen preparing dinner. After his one after school snack I now have to tell him NO to any other snack (although I will let him steal a tomato, or a bite of cheese or other tidbit while I’m cooking if he’s “helping” me cook) . I tell him no and he moves into totally meltdown mode with protests, crying, and laying on the kitchen floor. He is quite stubborn and sometimes these antics can last for quite a long while, but I try my hardest to mean No when I say No so I let him carry on with the world is ending routine.
I’ve also instituted dessert for the little one. If he eats his dinner than he is allowed to have dessert which can be anything from a cupcake or cookie, to fruit or his current favorite yogurt raisins. If he doesn’t eat a good portion of his dinner he does not get dessert. I leave his dinner on the table for a while in case he had a bad night and if he asks for dessert I tell him he can’t have any because he didn’t eat his dinner, but if he’d like to eat some of his dinner then he can have dessert. This usually does the trick and he will let me feed him what’s on his plate until I’m satisfied and hand over dessert.
These few little changes have made our dinner routine so much happier. I challenge you to try for a week and see if it works for you too!
Cheers and Happy Eating!
